Accepting It
by LokiGirl1996
Summary: Derek needs to face his demons and accept what he's trying to deny three years after leaving Beacon Hills!


Okay so this hasn't been beta checked so there may be a few mistakes, please feel free to comment NICLEY and I will be happy to make amends! :D

Sadly I do not own any of these characters in particular Stiles or Derek

I hope you enjoy my story! Thank You xx

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Accepting It

It had be a three years since Derek had stepped foot in Beacon Hills, after the confrontation with the Alphas was over and yet another abusive women had broken his heart Derek could no longer see the point in staying. He had no one to stay for, Cora would come with him to New York and the Pack would do just fine, maybe even better with Scott as their Alpha. Except Derek knew he was lying to himself, he knew that there was someone he could and probably should have stayed for. So that's why Derek found himself being pulled towards Beacon Hills by an invisible force.

As Derek drove through Beacon Hills he noticed that, apart from the occasional new shop selling little trinkets that no one actually needed, nothing had really changed. People went about their own daily business just as they had they day that he left, Derek could almost kid himself that it was the same day. But he knew it wasn't, he knew that there where demons he had to face, because when he left he made sure there was no sign of Cora or himself anywhere so the Pack couldn't find them and that meant not replying to any of their calls or texts even if they wanted to.

The calls and texts because fewer and fewer until only one person was still texting him, Stiles. Stiles would text him at least once a week with news of the pack, usually nothing of major interest, but always at the end of the text Stiles would say 'Please come back'. These texts kept coming for over a year until one September Stiles's text read 'I'm leaving for college today. I miss you, goodbye' and then they stopped coming. Derek kept hoping against hope that another text would come but they never did, and Derek was too much of a coward to text Stiles even thought he desperately wanted too. Stiles didn't even say what college he was going too. Which meant Derek was heading to the only place he knew Stiles could be apart from college, he knew it was a long shot that Stiles was going to be there but he had to look, just had to!

As Derek drove up the dirt path up to the old Hale Manner he thought back about his life in the Town, he had always been a solitary kind of person, but the Pack made that so hard that slowly he had come out of his shell and started to laugh with them and talk to them. That's when he realised there had only ever been one person who had stuck by him since his return to Beacon Hills, but by the time he realised it was too late, he was in way to deep with Jennifer by that time and yet Stiles _still_ stuck by him, Derek felt like he didn't deserve Stiles, in fact he knew he didn't. So why was he coming all this way for someone he knew he didn't deserve, because to Derek the pain of being away from Stiles had just become to much to ignore, too much to try and forget and too much to bare, even though he still could except the reasons.

Finally reaching the Manner, Derek got out the car and stood looking at it, it looked just as he remembered it, with its caved in roof and blown out windows, it looked like something straight out of a horror movie and yet it still felt like home. Derek knew that the Pack, if they were still in Beacon Hills, would have smelt him by know so all he could do was wait. Derek wondered whether they would even come, if they even cared about his belated returnee, if they even... Derek was stopped in his thoughts by a crack of a twig and the crunch of some leafs, Derek could smell a familiar scent but he couldn't place it, the scent had aged, matured. Derek turned around to face a shocked Scott.

"Your back!" Scott said, looking in disbelief at Derek. Before Derek could say a word Scott had leaped at him, claws out teeth bared in a growl and eyes glowing blood red. Derek didn't do anything to protect himself, because he knew he deserved this because he had been a coward and ran. After a few second of snarling a punching from Scott he stood back and stared.

"What are you doing back" Scott huffed, Derek looked at him. Scott had grown even taller, he had more muscle and his hair was a little longer, but most of all Scott no longer looked like the teenager he had remembered, Scott looked like an adult. Why was this shocking him so much? Scott growled at Derek's silence and began to walk towards him again.

"I.." Derek stumbled with his words "I just thought I'd come see how you were all getting on" It was a lame excuse and he knew it. Scott looked at him in disbelief.

"You just thought you'd come and see how we were getting on!" Scott snarled "YOU JUST THOUGHT" Scott yelled "You have no idea how panicked we all were when you just disappeared, Cora too, we were terrified that the Alphas had killed you both or Jennifer had got to you! If it wasn't for Cora's _ONE_ text" Derek raised his eye browns, he hadn't known about that "saying that you two where okay but not coming back I don't know what we would have done, _Stiles was_... We tried to look for you but everything was gone, your scents completely vanished!" Scott finally stopped to breath. He stared at Derek still not believing he was really there.

"I'm sorry" Derek muttered, feeling like a naughty child. Scott looked at him in disbelief once more

"YOU'RE SOR" But he was cut off

"_YES I'M SORRY_, I KNOW I WAS A COWARD, I KNOW I SHOULDN'T HAVE RAN" Derek yelled "but I did it to protect..." He couldn't finish his sentence he couldn't admit it even to himself, even now. Scott finally stopped glaring and walked over to Derek, Derek looked up and before he could say another word Scott bear hugged Derek. Slowly Derek responded to the hug, unsure of what to do.

"You know...he never gave up on you, he carried on hoping right up until he got in his jeep and drove away to college" Scott said, releasing Derek from the hug. Derek felt even worse hearing this, it felt like he'd been punched in the stomach one hundred times over.

"I couldn't..." Derek muttered trailing off

" Stiles never said anything, but we could all smell it on him, the smell of desperation mixed with loss, it was there even under all the other scents and smells, he would come up here almost every week just to see if you had returned" Scott said solemnly "Even when he started dating Jamie" Derek looked up meeting Scott's eyes "Don't worry it didn't last long, Jamie broke it off as soon as he realised Stiles was in love with someone else" Derek sighed in relief.

"Where is he? Stiles I mean?" Derek finally asked, it was the question he had wanted to ask as soon as Scott had made himself known to Derek. Scott watched Derek as his eyes searched Scott's face franticly.

"Stiles is driving home for the weekend" Scott murmured "He's driving down from New York" Derek stared in shock.

"What?" Derek asked in disbelief, Scott gave a weak smile

"Stiles goes to college in New York. He guessed and ,rightly so by the look on your face, that if you where anywhere still in America you would be in New York, so he decided that he would go to college there, on the slight off chance that he may bump into you" Scott finished looking vaguely smug. Derek was speechless.

"but...I...what..." Derek tried to string a sentence in his mind but was finding very hard, Stiles had moved all the way to New York for him! "I need to see him!" Derek said, Scott bite his lip. "What?" Derek asked

"Well, he's changed ALOT since you left" Scott said

"What do you mean?" Derek asked with a low growl

"He was very _very_ broken up about your leaving, he started distracting himself with new stuff" Scott looked up at Derek's shocked face "Not like Drugs and stuff" Scott hurried on "It's just he's not the same person he was three years ago" Derek sighed in relief. The two men stayed silent for a long moment until Scott's voice muttered "You know the Pack know your here, they want to see you" Derek looked at Scott and nodded.

"Where are they?" Derek murmured, shifting from foot to foot.

"Back at my apartment, I told them to wait there while I spoke to you" Scott said, with a hint of pride in him voice. Derek smiled

"Let's go then" Derek gestured towards his car and Scott got in, giving Derek directions every so often. By the time they reached Scott's apartment the sky was pink with the light of the fading sun. Derek got out the car and followed Scott to the entrance of a rather modern looking apartment block. They got into the lift and Scott reached over and pressed the button for flaw four. The lift went up and they stayed in silence until they reached the door of the apartment at the far end of the corridor.

"Be nice to them alright" Scott said warningly. Derek gave a small smile and nodded, Scott put his key in the lock and opened the door.

Derek walked in first and was meet with the eyes of his old Pack, Isaac was slouched on a large black sofa with Alison leaning against him, Lydia who was lying on a fluffy rug leaning against the sofa with a book in her lap. And three new but familiar sets of eyes Ethan and Danny both leaning against each other on a black love seat and Aiden who was perched on the window sill looking over the apartment blocks car park. There was complete silence for about 10 second before Isaac got of the sofa, walked over to Derek and hugged him, which seemed to be signal for the onslaught of questions to begin.

"Where the HELL have you been Derek Hale!" Lydia yelled approaching him with rage in her eyes

"What on earth made you leave" Alison said joining Isaac who had stepped back

"Seriously man, NOT cool!" Isaac scowled but not looking augury in the slightest. That's when Scott intervened and stepped in front of Derek with his hand on his hips

"Everyone back away, okay" Scott seemed to radiate power, which impressed Derek. Slowly everyone went back to the sofas but continued to watch Derek. Derek walked over to them and stood rather awkwardly looking at all of them until he said

"So what do you want to know?" with a small smile and the shrug of his shoulders. Lydia got in first and repeated her question

"Where the HELL have you been?" She said, looking marginally less augury

"New York..." Derek replied looking at Lydia, she hadn't changed much, she was still the same height, still had long red hair but with a slightly thinner face and a less make up spattered face. She smiled smugly

"So he was right" She said, Derek nodded trying not to smile.

"Why did you go?" Isaac asked looking a little hurt, Derek looked at him and thought about his answer

"I thought, at the time, it was the best thing to do. You had Scott as an alpha and I had no drought that he would be a better alpha to you than me. I also felt like I had to protect... too make sure..." Derek trailed off in his own thoughts, Derek still couldn't accept it. He looked up and met Isaacs's eyes who looked at him as if he understood. Isaac still had his curly brown hair and his sweet, innocent little smile, Isaac had grown if possible even taller, but also leaner, and more agile looking.

"What about Cora, is she back too?" Allison asked, even as Derek shook his head

"No she didn't come back with me, she's still in New York, got her own place. She's doing well, she's happy, made friends with two other werewolves and they all live together" There was a sense of pride in Derek's voice that made the pack all smile. Allison nodded also accepting this new piece of information. There was silence once more, Scott walked across the room and sat down on the sofa the opposite end to Isaac and Alison. "So how have you all been?" Derek finally asked, Scott looked up

"Well I'm training to be a vet with the help of Deacon. Have a girlfriend, Lisa, she's at my local college training to be a Nurse, like mum" Scott said smiling, Derek nodded

"Ummm well Alison and I live together, I'm working in the Bar in town for now" Isaac grinned

"And I'm taking on more responsibility with the family business" Alison added snuggling further into Isaac's chest.

"Good for you guys" Derek said sounding genuine "How did you get into all this...ummm Danny?" Danny looked up from his and Ethan's entwined hands at the mention of his name.

"I was dating Ethan and I kinda got mixed up in some supernatural shit which ended up with him saving my sorry ass and me finding out he was a werewolf, I got pretty freaked out to start with but I realised it didn't really change much and got over the shock. Since then we've been helping out where we can but mainly we're in Colorado at college" Danny finished and Ethan nodded smiling into Danny neck. Aiden rolled his eyes and looked over at Lydia who sighed

"I go to college, well I call it university in England, Cambridge. I see Jackson quite often there, he's joined this pack of British werewolf's and he's not quite as much as an ass as he was, I study Physics and live with four other people who think the world is totally normal, so it's all great" Lydia added with a small smile. Aiden looked at Scott who nodded at him

"Ummm Ethan and I gave up our being Alpha's to join the Pack and I've just been attending community college doing Physical Education, pretty cool really" Aiden grimaced. There was a short awkward silence before Stiles moved and everyone looked at him.

"So now that's all over why don't I order us some Chinese food and we can have our Pack meeting" Scott said, to which everyone nodded and shuffled around, Aiden picked up the video games controllers and threw one each to Ethan, Danny and Isaac who then started playing Call of Duty: Ghost, while Lydia and Alison started chatting about god knows what. Scott turned to Derek "You can stay if you want, Stiles will come over as soon as he's said hi to his dad when he gets back into town"

"Yer, I think I will" Derek smiled, he liked being with his old pack, it felt welcoming and warm. Derek sat down on the now vacant love seat and watched the video game until Danny and Ethan decided to stop playing which meant Derek and Scott took their places.

The rest of the evening was spent in a relaxed fashion of eating food, chatting and playing video games. Until at 10:16pm there was a knock at the door, Scott looked up distractedly while Derek froze. Pausing the video game they were still playing momentarily Scott got up and walked towards the door. Everyone was still chatting but to Derek everything had gone quite and still, all he focused on was that door and who was behind it, because Derek could now smell his scent and his inner wolf was pinning to be closer to it, to him, to Stiles.

Slowly Scott opened the door and was suddenly shrouded in a huge hug.

"Scott, how you been? It's been like three months! You will never guess what..." Stiles trailed off as he met Derek's eyes. Derek could see what Scott meant when he had said Stiles had changed! In replace on the bumbling, thin teenage boy with ADHD was a muscular tall man.

Stiles had grown out his hair slightly longer but it was mainly hidden by a black beanie hat sitting loosely on his head, Stiles eyes where the same which relived Derek for some bewildering reason 'of course his eye colour wouldn't have changed!' Derek thought to himself. Looking further down Stiles mole spattered face Derek found a new addition, a lip piercing a small innocent lip piercing that instantly made Derek's mouth go dry. Derek continued to look at Stiles, he still was a Superhero shirt but instead of it being louse fitting it was slightly torte against a quite obvious six pack. Stiles was also wearing black _VERY_ skinny jeans and bright red doc martin boots. To top it all off and to send Derek over the edge that he was already clinging on for dear life to, Stiles had a tattoo sleeve, it was simple, black, tribal markings which at Stiles wrist made the shape of a wolf. Derek didn't realise his mouth was slightly open by the time he had finished studying Stiles.

"Hi" Derek said with an odd little wave, Stiles just stared.

"Are you are alright Stiles?" A small voice asked coming out from behind Stiles. Stiles looked behind him and took the hand of a stranger, a guy with blond scruffy hair who was also wearing a different superhero shirt, red skinny jeans, a waist coat and black doc martins.

"Hey everyone, this is my boyfriend Sam" Stiles announced as Sam wrapped his arm around Stiles waist. Everyone in the room rushed over and there was a mixture of quick "hello's" and "hi my name is...". The only person left where they where was Derek, who felt like his inner wolf had just eaten his heart and spat it back out. He looked at Sam and Derek's eyes flashed electric blue in a moment of uncontrollable rage, hatred and jealousy towards this unknown man. Eventually everyone started making their way back over to the sofas and the chatter continued but Derek stayed silent and brooding. How had he been so stupid to think that Stiles wouldn't have anyone, that Stiles would be single and want Derek, he had been so focused on his own feelings that he didn't even stop to think about Stiles's! He was a fucking idiot.

Derek got up and made muttered excuses as to why he had to leave as he walked out the door of Scott's apartment in a trance, Scott's eyes followed him as he went and shut the door behind him. Scott meet Stiles gaze a shook his head.

"What?" Stiles asked with a mixture of emotions on his face, Scott sighed

"Nothing, I'm happy for you" Scott said with a weak smile. And Scott was sincere, Sam was a nice guy from what he could tell, but all Scott could think of was the look in Derek's eyes when he saw Stiles with Sam. A look of total emptiness and loss.

Derek drove furiously, probably breaking the speed limit as he went, back to the Hale Manner. When he reached it he threw himself out of the car and howled, his wolf ripped through his body and howled for the loss of his mate, because only know did Derek accept it.

Back at Scott's apartment everything was normal while everyone got comfortable again until the sound of a wolf's howl echoed through the night, everyone heard it and everyone apart from Sam looked at Stiles.

"Bloody hell, that wolf must be in a lot of pain to make a howl like that" Sam muttered, not knowing the half of what he was saying.

"Stiles..." Scott said looking at his best friend, his brother. Stiles met his eyes and looked as if he might cry.

"I know" Stiles said quietly, Sam looked at Stiles in confusion

"What is it Stiles, babe, are you okay?" Sam asked worriedly, Stiles looked down at him with a weak smile.

"We need to talk" Stiles whispered so only he could hear it Sam nodded sadly knowing what was coming, because he had seen the way that Derek guy had looked at Stiles and the way Stiles had not looked at Derek.

After Stiles had broken up with Sam he headed back to his Dads house. Stiles shut the door as quietly as possible behind him and crept down the hall trying to get up the stairs before his dad called upon him, but as luck would have it a floor board decided to creak just as he made it to the stares.

"Stiles, is that you?" His dad called out, sighing Stiles turned around and headed in the direction of his father's voice.

"Hi dad, I'm back from Scott's" Stiles said with fake cheer in his voice. John looked up at him son with quizzical eyes.

"Where's Sam?" He asked, Stiles sighed

"We broke up, well I broke up with him" Stiles said not meeting his dad's eyes, John looked at his son with surprise.

"Ummm okay, why?" He said

"It just wasn't working, okay dad" Stiles said frustration seeping into his voice

"But you too seemed so happy" John stated with confusion

"IT JUST WASN'T RIGHT OKAY DAD" Stiles shouted and ran upstairs, John shocked at his sons outburst picked up his mobile and dialled Scott's number, Scott picked up and without any introduction the Sheriff asked

"What happed Scott and don't bother lying to me" The other end of the line was silent for a moment before

"Derek came back" Scott said hesitantly, John was quite for a moment

"You mean your previous Alpha, Derek, the one that Stiles didn't stop looking for right up until he left for college Derek" John asked

"Yup, that's the one" Scott said with the sound of finality in his voice.

"That explains it then" John muttered down the phone

"Do you want me to come round and see if he's alright?" Scott asked hesitantly. Shaking his head John said

"No it's alright, he'll be fine. It's probably just a bit on a shock seeing him after so long" John said consolingly" Scott was silent once again "Well I'll see you around Scott, thanks for telling me the truth" Scott made a non committal noise down the phone before John hung up. John sighed, although Stiles never said anything about his feelings towards Derek to John, he always got the feeling that they where more than platonic, especially when he saw the effect it had on Stiles when Derek left without a word. Shaking his head John drifted off to sleep worrying about his son.

Upstairs Stiles was sitting in his old bed room, it hadn't changed much in the last three years, posters had been changed and his bed had been swapped for a double bed. But apart from that it was the same. Stiles's hands where covering his face as he tried to hold back all the emotion that had cascaded through him at the sight of Derek Hale. DEREK HALE. _DEREK HALE_. His name kept going through Stiles mind and it was all becoming too much, finally Stiles broke down. He lay down and curly up on his bed hugging his pillow willing the pain and memories to go away. Stiles lay like that fully clothed as he fell asleep tears still seeping through his shut eyes.

Stiles woke up suddenly, it was still dark as he looked around at his room. He'd been dreaming of a wolf, sighing in frustration Stiles got off his bed and made his way over to his dresser and yanked out an old pair of sweat pants and boxer shorts. Stiles stripped silently and put on the fresh garment, throwing the clothes he had been wearing that day into a dark corner. Stiles lay back down on his bed a looked up at his ceiling. There was a small scraping noise coming from Stiles window, Stiles looked over and sighed, it was probably Scott checking to see if he was okay, he got up and made his way over throwing open the curtains. Derek. Derek was perched on the roof slowly trying to open Stiles bedroom window. Their eyes met. Stiles threw open the window and pulled Derek nun to gently threw the window.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Stiles hissed glaring at Derek who he was now equal in height. Derek was silent, he looked guilty and confused looking down at his feet "Look at me!" Stiles hissed in frustration. Derek looked up and finally met Stiles eyes and gave a small smile

"Hi" Derek said, Stiles looked at him in disbelief. Stiles made a move as if he was batting a fly away but really he was trying to vent his frustration in a non violent way.

"_Hi_'? You've been gone for _three_ years and you say _'hi'_!" Stiles whispered furiously."You didn't call or anything! I texted you weekly for _over a year_, which you couldn't be bothered to reply to _just one_, and you say '_hi_', really Derek really!" Stiles continued getting even more worked up.

"Stiles I know I should have" Derek began but before he could continue

"God damn right you should have replied, told us you weren't dead, come back sooner" Stiles said counting them off on his figures "would you like me to list more?" Stiles said sarcastically.

"Please Stiles, just let me" But once again Derek was interrupted

"Let you what? Defend yourself? Say you needed time to heal after that bat shit crazy bitch Jenifer broke your little delicate heart! Well tough shit I don't want to hear it, you think you can just come in here and" But this time Stiles was interrupted

"Would you just shut up!" Derek whispered before pulling Stiles into a frustrated and fearless kiss. Shock froze Stiles but soon enough he was responding to the kiss and had wrapped his now muscular arms around Derek's neck as Derek's arm snaked around Stiles's bare torso. A small sigh was released from Stiles which allowed Derek to gain entrance to Stiles enticing mouth which Stiles responded with just as much vigour, both men battled for dominance which Derek one but only just, because boy could Stiles put up a fight. Stiles back hit his wall making him jump and break apart from Derek. Derek looked at Stiles

"Don't think for one second I forgive you!" Stiles hissed "I still hate you" he whispered but with less arguer. Derek chuckled

"You don't hate me" He smirked, Stiles sighed and melted into Derek's arms

"No your right, I could never hate you" Stiles murmured, Derek laughed openly now. Stiles looked up at Derek's bright face a mischievous grin spread across his face, Stiles push Derek who landed on Stiles bed with a surprised yelp, and was shortly joined with a smirking Stiles straddling his waist looking very smug. "Got you know" Stiles whispered, kissing a then gently nibbling on Derek's ear lobe and then make his way down Derek's neck kissing, sucking and biting. Derek let out a groan of longing which only egged Stiles on more. "I will make you earn your forgiveness" Stiles said slowly pulling Derek's shirt over his head, revealing tanned muscle that just begged to be licked.

"Make me" Derek whispered daringly "mate", making Stiles snigger in delight.

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Finished! What do you think? Please feel free to review! I'd love to know your opinions. Thank you so much for reading, I send you hugs! xx


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